How To Ruin Your Life (Without Even Noticing That You Are)

Thought Catalog

Erin KellyErin Kelly

Understand that life is not a straight line. Life is not a set timeline of milestones. It is okay if you don’t finish school, get married, find a job that supports you, have a family, make money, and live comfortably all by this age, or that age. It’s okay if you do, as long as you understand that if you’re not married by 25, or a Vice President by 30 — or even happy, for that matter — the world isn’t going to condemn you. You are allowed to backtrack. You are allowed to figure out what inspires you. You are allowed time, and I think we often forget that. We choose a program right out of high school because the proper thing to do is to go straight to University. We choose a job right out of University, even if we didn’t love our program, because we…

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The One Rare Quality Men Want In A Woman

JamesMSama.com

I was asked a very interesting question last night that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about, so I decided to write something on the topic. I certainly don’t want to sound cynical or judgmental, but I have brushed over the topic lightly in previous articles and I believe it is something a lot of people can relate to.

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Discussing my recently established singlehood, this was the question:

Are you encouraged by the women you see out there? Or are you as discouraged as most of us girls?

This really made me start to think. I wanted to say that I meet countless amazing women all the time and guys are the ones who need to change and improve and they would suddenly come across their fairy tale princess because there are so many out there waiting to be swept off of their feet.

But, that’s just not true.

Don’t…

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Current Against the Rocks

We’re drifting and I can feel the current whipping against my skin. Even though we both spent time to try and rectify the situation I think we both allowed this to happen cause we feel it’s out of our control. So what do we do?

After a while you stop fighting against the current and you let the river take you home. The circumstances have definitely changed and we both are in agreement,  its trying to find a solution without creating more distance is the problem. Seeing you once a week for a couple of hours isn’t even enough to get past the salutations and into deep conversation. Keeping it light-hearted; so it always ends on a good note has always been the norms and never divergent. Obstacles just seem to continually get in the way which all seem to be external.

Lately, I’ve been unaware of my surroundings and just been very complacent.  Not realizing I just zone out into space leaving you there with my physical being. I wish I can take u with me you’d be astounded at the intricate things that come across my mind. Sometimes its random, or nothing and then there are times when your thoughts at 2am hit you at 6pm. Drinking like you have something to forget. Im not addicted to alcohol or drugs, im addicted to escaping reality. Sometimes I want your patience but at the same time I want you in my face grilling me like your the bad cop looking for a confession; taking no for an answer. I guess I just dont like losing my composure around you cause I’m so used to being strong all the time and feeling light hearted. I feel like if I give in and let my soul reach the surface I will continually do that for all my situations and just break down everytime. Its been a while since it last happened and now in search for any type of pain thats just physical. Whether it be getting a piercing, rough sex or a tattoo.

I feel like if I don’t see you once a week the distance will just continue to grow. I know the upcoming months will be more time spent away even more than last term.

Regardless you are the best risk I’ve taken and continue to take. Theres a rush everytime I sneak away to see your face and every time I kiss you, its identical to falling from the highest point on a roller coaster. Theres only day by day.

What IF

I had an unnerving feeling and if I said something maybe the outcome would have been different

Maybe if I showed jealousy and insecurity like most girls maybe you would have felt more secure.

What if I didn’t share all my baggage; maybe you wouldn’t have felt the need to feel alone

So where do we go from here, do we start over; end things or forgive n forget

Do we miss out on a future that could’ve been golden for one mistake

But what if it was an unforgivable mistake that I know wouldn’t be forgiven if the roles were reverse

Maybe sometimes forgiveness is made in good faith and it will transpire into greatness in the future

Thats what I am hopeful for.. that what if

And you bring great promise for that what if..

Nostalgia

Reminicing on my life from the past couple of years and looking back at situations I could’ve handled better. As well as friendships and relationships I wish I didnt give up on and all I can say is sorry I let you slip away. These are not just ordinary people; but, people that made a difference and made you see the world through a different scope. People that taught you the most about yourself, how to love, trust, grow; invested time in helping you find your self identity. Those people will always stay in your heart, regardless whether they aren’t their physically. Maybe that was their role, teach us something about ourselves but act as a passing cloud. Nonetheless, these clouds are never forgotten because not only did they let shine through they remained heavily in presence when times were rough. Im grateful for the chance to meet such extraordinary people.

A Night Like No Other

It had been too long since I last touched your warm, smooth skin, smelled your old spice scent that makes my heart sink. I wanted to take my time and memorize every inch of you because I don’t know if the opportunity would present itself again. I thought to my self and contemplated if you had any clue as what you did to me… what i felt whenever i had the smallest glimpse of his body. I get the most electrifying thrill when he starts to undress and I see his member trying to come out and play; not to mention the ungodly desire that fills me when I catch him staring at my chest.

I love his body. I love touching it, caressing it, licking it, and tasting it. I love the smell, the heat, and the texture.

This time I let him start… I just laid there watched his passion unwrap me and watched as he gazed into my eyes as he would pleasure me. it was like a steamy hot scene from a movie except the lights weren’t dimmed. I never try to let you please me because I feel like I don’t deserve it, thats why I always push away. But then the desire to feel connected to you would overpowers and I would give in. What can I say your pretty god damn good at the things you do, and only seems to have gotten better…when you take charge my arousal level increases because even though I’m a dominant individual I LOVE being dominated. I feel as though the longer we’re apart the better you’ve gotten or maybe because not experiencing that feeling all the time made me enjoy it and remember it more.

Then it was my turn, I kissed you deeply, rubbing my tongue against yours. the kiss turned ravenous with want, need, and desire. Before I lost my head, however, I pulled back, sucking on your bottom lip and looked into your passion-glazed eyes. I tortured you with my tongue, maintaing eye contact the whole way down your soft, supple skin. I could feel your member graze my body as I made my way down your core. My hardened breasts were skimming your body as i moved from your neck to your lower abdomen. when i reached his member, I took his precious jewels in my hand, lightly and slowly massaging them, then again with my lips, and I could see the enjoyment on your face. Then as I licked your groin you cringed from the sensation it brought you. Needless to say what followed after, but the feeling was magical. The level of connectedness was incomparable and wished I could forever experience this feeling. The feeling of wanting and being wanted on an emotional, physical and psychological level. A feeling that no matter how many hours and days have passed it will always feel like the first time; reborn and rejuvenating. It is a passion that everyone lusts for but not many experience it like I can.

Sex used to be something I used to get away from reality that I fiended it so much that the utter act became meaningless. But, you resurrected that feeling; maybe because you wanted to wait till we were both truly in love, that I let the feeling overcome me first and I started to feel again. So thanks for revitalizing that feeling and making me feel whole more ways than one. I love you in every way imaginable.