20 Questions

This is a game I like to play because it gives people an opportunity to get to know each other. I already know a lot about you but I always learn something new and that keeps the mystery growing; the mystery that keeps me so intrigued, because you fascinate me and that’s one of the many reasons why I pursued you initially. In the version we played, we got 20 questions each and we had to answer truthfully. It can  be any type of question and you must answer. The answer cannot be idk; but close to being specific as possible. Even though we already are open and ask questions openly , it makes it challenging cause we know a lot about each other already.. But even then I still have questions and not to seem eager or raise suspicion I asked to play this game with you so I can get those questions answered. Today I found out that: if you were to go on a honeymoon with your future wife one day you wouldn’t care as long as you two spend time together ; your favorite book/ series was harry potter;  that your last meal on the last day you lived would be maggi noodles: chicken flavour and one material object you cannot live without is your phone. Along with these questions there were others of course; and then you asked me a question that I had a very shaky response to… You asked ” Would you rather marry someone your parents and fam will approve of and that will make them super happy and even benefit the family, but you don’t love them; however you don’t hate the person OR  marry someone they hate but you love?… This question actually stumped me cause truth be told I don’t know the answer…   My response was marry the person I love. But I know I’d end up residing with the choice number one .

If I were to describe my family bonds I’d say they aren’t the strongest; if I were to describe my family it would be 6 people put together and got slapped a label called family. There’s a lot of things I’ve gone through growing up in a traditional family with strict rules with boundaries and limitations as a women. I’ve always resented my family and I’m going to be honest I have spoken badly about my parents when they have been utterly frustrated and not understanding.. But this doesn’t mean I don’t love them … Slowly over the years I started making amends with my parents and siblings but the same time trying to fight for my self when they used the “women can’t do this” approach. I know one day I will regret arguing with my parents cause at the end of the day, they are looking out for my best interests and they will always be there for you because they are family … Its questionable whether or not my family loves me but deep down they do … Pretty deep though.. And as for my self I do love them . And my whole life all I’ve done was to please them , make them feel proud of me , I wanted to make them feel accomplished as parents cause of their hardwork… I am where I am today because of my family and I’m grateful. My whole life I grew up giving and I was unhappy, just so others around me such as family especially, friends, lovers  because if I did then good things would happen to me; maybe they might return it when I really need it, appreciate it so I feel some sort of reward; maybe they might tell me they love me and to one day maybe allow me to take what I want for once. My parents got an arranged marriage, they were never in love to begin with and idk if they are now; if they had the option I believe they would have been divorced by now if it weren’t for family honor and dignity. I can see that they are both unhappy, they have even told me , and they fight non-stop. But they do have there moment of tolerance and are compassionate for a while; but, it doesn’t last. If this is what family is suppose to be then I don’t want to get married and that’s how I felt for the past couple of years as I grew older.  But this past year ive been really trying to make amends with my parents and siblings, trying to really make them; and especially after meeting you and seeing how important family is to you; you showed me i need family around me too.

Even through all of this I know there is love, I think what brings my parents closer is my siblings and I there’s is some sort of love and compassion that they share that keeps them together. So as you can see why I don’t think an arranged marriage would work out where everyone’s happy; and this is just probably because I had a really bad experience. I’m not speaking for all arranged marriages There is no life without love; so I believe if you want a happy life you need to marry someone you love. And my one wish after all the giving is hopefully  marrying someone I love even if my parents hate them, because if they really love me and want me to be happy they’d approve … But then again I don’t think its in me to take anything for my self, I have this constant need to make my family and others happy and in the midst I’m unhappy; I’ve made that sacrifice my whole life, so why not continue it as long as those around me are content? Love is not without sacrifice am I not correct? So I honestly can’t answer that question… Because yea I want to fight and do what I want, but there’s only so much fighting you can do before you lose yourself or the ones around you… But I’d rather lose my self then those around me because I don’t want to disappoint the ones I love even if it means I sacrifice my soul … I already lost half of myself why not the rest too. So to give you a definite answer I’d probably end up marrying someone I don’t love just to make my parents and everyone happy. Because i owe them for all they have done for me; and i guess all i can do is make the best of what i got.

” Live for yourself and you will live in vain; live for others and you will live again ” – bob marleyy

~SS

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