She loved once.. she will love again…

I don’t know how to say this.. its been a feeling that im having a rough time explaining. I guess I was waiting for the right time to say it, but there is no right time and there will never be a right time… and if I continue to wait for the right time it may never come and all it will be is an opportunity missed. So im seizing the moment and want to say… i love you :/ The reason why im being so held back is because ive been in an relationship prior to you and ive been in love…. or thought I was idk.. to me I feel you can love many ppl but only truly love one person. Im not saying you are my true love, but if u turn out to be then hey, tendor;) … but as I was saying the thing is if I tell you I do love you then I think back on my past and it feels that none of it was real, how can I love someone a year ago and now another… I begin to think was it ever even real love or is this what we have real. I dont know but this feeling I have towards you is warm, like a smile that’s never ending. Thats how I am around you; a never ending smile. You dont know how many times my face I go to sleep with my face hurting because I laughed or smiled too much. Every moment spent with you goes by too fast and everything we decide to do ends with endless conversation and kisses that aren’t worth forgetting. I know I am professing my feelings towards you and in our relationship its always you that has been so outward and open about them whereas, I have a facade behind everything I say cause I dont want to get attached. To be honest I am scared to fall for you and scared to get my heartbroken…again. I know u see this confident person with strong sense of self but deep down im a weak insecure girl who’s afraid. I dont want to fall for you unless you are ready to catch me and yes I can honestly say atm my feelings have surpassed where ur feelings are.

I honestly never was able to connect with a person on so many levels and not try. I never had to continously fight for ur attention cause you give it unconditionally. I know I say ew and stfu and other stuff when u say cute shit like that but deeep down im jumping up and down inside and smilling so hard my teeth are about to fall out. Every time we talk no matter about what its always a long meaningful conversation. Time always flies around you and every waking moment talking to you seems even shorter. The fact that we are so much alike means ill never get bored of u. You give me something to look forward to whether it be talking to you, snappchatting you or talking to you on the phone. My friends and coworkers constantly ask me why I am so happy and it’s because of you. Every time we talk and say goodbye I want to say those three words and let u know day in and day out how much I feel about you and that you are the number one guy in my life. I want to show you off to my friends and maybe even family (depending on circumstances) ; basically everyone and show them that this guy *pointing at you, makes me happy. I want to let people know that this is the guy that brings butterflies in my stomach everytime we kiss and makes my heart beat faster with anticipation everytime we hold hands.

I know its absurd weve only seen eachother a couple times and met recently but I cant shake this feeling. I tried shaking it and tried making you someone thats just a fling, but you ruined all of that. So much for the five amendments; I guess by you breaking rule five threw the whole rule book out the window. I didnt want to be the first person to say it and scare you off becuase I know the type of raw and intense emotion I bring. But you know what I dont care I rather scare you off now then later on when my feelings are stronger. And with you, you make it so much easier to say it cause we can be open without the awkward silence or moments. And when I told you I was falling for you , it was true I did more and more everyday and like when you confronted me if I did love you, I lied LOL cause if I said yes then it would have been true… real. My friends always tell me why im so hesitant to fall for you and just be happy for once and I know its because I am scared. But the way I talk about you and constantly smile they know that im in denial and that I have fallen for you and just havent accepted it. On Saturday when I surprised you with brealfast in bed I had a fear that you’d be like omg this girl is crazy and clingy .. time to cut but your reaction was different and I was surprised. Every moment spent that day I thought to myself, I wouldnt mind waking up seeing your face every morning.

So basically what im saying is yes, I LOVE YOU, and I hope this doesn’t overwhelm you and I hope you stick around for the long term because im 100 percent invested in this relationship. And just because I said it, you are not obligated to say it… take your own time and tell me when you are ready… you are a guy worth waiting for.

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