Train Insane or Remain the Same

People would describe me as an avid gymoholic; I certainly don’t deny it. Ive been like this for the last three years and it has become a way of life. I used to work out because I didn’t like the way that I look; I still do it for that reason but now I love it too. I work so hard to achieve my goals but I haven’t seen changes I am happy with. My diet used to be poor, not because I ate crappy, sugar filled; greasy food. It was because I didn’t eat enough food. Eating one to two meals a day and consuming less then 1000 calories and burning twice as much. My body became very inefficient at burning because I consumed very little calories… wth I thought the whole point of weight loss was to burn more then you consume to create changes. I felt cheated because I did exactly that. They say break fast is the most important meal of the day and it is don’t get me wrong and for the past 6 -7 years I never really had breakfast; I wasn’t accustomed to it, I lived my life in a rush so I never gave it a second look. The way I eat is that I eat when I am hungry not regularly every 3-4 hours. Its not fair to those people who are stuck with genes where their metabolism is slow as a snail. Every one has their problems, mine is my body; it just wont cooperate. I have low iron on top of it due to the lack of nutrition and this cause you to be cold all the time even in the summer, weak- not to mention constipated from the iron pills. I have this image of what I should look like and to be honest I should look like that for the amount I exercise. I rollerblade everyday in the summer from 2-5 km a day to and from the gym. At the gym I spend at least an hour and a half working every muscle till it hurts. NO Pain, No Gain.

If I were to describe how I look I don’t think I can honestly say anything positive because there’s nothing perfect about me, in fact 100 % imperfect. You can say I have low self-esteem; I do and that’s probably because I hear from my skinny friends complain about being fat or when my mom calls me fat. This low self –esteem is an inner feeling that is masked… I am fit ; could be fitter. I have broad shoulders big hips. People say I have a nice big ass and wish they had one like me and deep down I am like take it cause I  sure as hell don’t want it. My weight is on the heavier side because I have a greater muscle mass then most girls. I never use to look at the scale because my body composition is different and I didn’t want my beauty or my so called beauty defined by a number and be even more discouraged. But lately I have the need to weigh my self and see what number I am today. What drives me insane is that I probably eat the most healthiest out of all my friends and work out the most and my body fails to cooperate. I see my skinny friends indulge in pizza, fries complete garbage food and never gain a pound! Don’t get me started about the gym, they wouldn’t be caught dead in the gym; no offence! But its true and at the end of the day they would be the one complaining OMG im so fat! Im going to the gym tomorrow to burn this off!!! And in my mind I just want to scream; leave a nice five star on their face and tell them shuuttttt uppp! If you are fat then what am I morbidly obese?? Like seriously some people really need to calm down; some people work day in an day out to achieve change; it doesn’t come by consuming junk food all day.

Recently, my skinny friends got into Isogenix it’s a weight loss product where you have two shakes one in the morning, night and a 600 cal meal for lunch; with numerous supplements through the day. My one friend lost 5 lbs in a week. I was happy for them and I asked them what are you going to do when you get off that product? I just dont like it when people decide to take an easy way out. Anything worth having is done through hard work and commitment you build yourself as a person while trying to achive your goals. You build character and discipline things that you will carry over to many other aspects in your life.

My daily routine now would consist of waking up taking my metmucil iron pills and eat oatmeal for breakfast. Go to school or work and for lunch have an assortment of fruits and vegetables and a light dinner. I would always make time for the gym always spending and hour or two hours finding a new way to make a positve change to push my body to its limits to achieve my goals. Then everything else is secondary; school, relationships and social life. Some people are just fortunate and have good genes while others have the shorter end of the straw. I continually make new goals and  work hard to achieve them but I guess results just take even longer especially for me. I rather look the way I look and be healthy and live longer than be smaller and filled with toxins. Its always been a struggle with my body but I am mot someone who is going to quit on my goals. I will get there; may my haters live long to see my succes.

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