We’re drifting and I can feel the current whipping against my skin. Even though we both spent time to try and rectify the situation I think we both allowed this to happen cause we feel it’s out of our control. So what do we do?
After a while you stop fighting against the current and you let the river take you home. The circumstances have definitely changed and we both are in agreement, its trying to find a solution without creating more distance is the problem. Seeing you once a week for a couple of hours isn’t even enough to get past the salutations and into deep conversation. Keeping it light-hearted; so it always ends on a good note has always been the norms and never divergent. Obstacles just seem to continually get in the way which all seem to be external.
Lately, I’ve been unaware of my surroundings and just been very complacent. Not realizing I just zone out into space leaving you there with my physical being. I wish I can take u with me you’d be astounded at the intricate things that come across my mind. Sometimes its random, or nothing and then there are times when your thoughts at 2am hit you at 6pm. Drinking like you have something to forget. Im not addicted to alcohol or drugs, im addicted to escaping reality. Sometimes I want your patience but at the same time I want you in my face grilling me like your the bad cop looking for a confession; taking no for an answer. I guess I just dont like losing my composure around you cause I’m so used to being strong all the time and feeling light hearted. I feel like if I give in and let my soul reach the surface I will continually do that for all my situations and just break down everytime. Its been a while since it last happened and now in search for any type of pain thats just physical. Whether it be getting a piercing, rough sex or a tattoo.
I feel like if I don’t see you once a week the distance will just continue to grow. I know the upcoming months will be more time spent away even more than last term.
Regardless you are the best risk I’ve taken and continue to take. Theres a rush everytime I sneak away to see your face and every time I kiss you, its identical to falling from the highest point on a roller coaster. Theres only day by day.